New Millennium Puns

[Big_red_S]

This e-mail is the resting place for the groaner puns of the new millennium

Enjoy,


1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got
married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was
excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,
'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his
arm and says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:
'Does this taste funny to you?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of
Home.'' 'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it
common? ' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this
morning.' 'I don't believe you, ' says Dolly. 'It's true, no
bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids
were nothing to look at either.

10. DejaMoo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but
I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor
replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a
mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the
other and says 'Dam!'.

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit
a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came
out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why,'
they asked, as they moved off. 'Because' he said, 'I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The
other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal.'

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
made him..... (Oh, man, this is so bad, it 's good)..... A
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty
different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least
ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[Toolman56]

Goodmorning thanks for the chuckles

[sawdustus]

I love them and will pass them on to my children who grew up with me being quite punny most of the time. Any time you can teach someone how to increase their vocabulary and appreciation for the nuances of their language, it's worth the groans.

sawdustus