2/3's of a Pun----- P U

[oily]

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.

Velcro — what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

[Hawaiilad]

Oily, you have way to much time on your hands....

[paul44224]

Got some laughs from them! Thanks, Oily!

Paul

[Wood Dog]

Those are great Oily thanks for sharing your find.

[JimSawyer]

Some of those were awesome... genius even...

Thanks Rob..


...Does a polite brick-layer have a mason grace...

[jim_mex]

Hey Rob - some really funny ones in that list - topical too...

A couple of days back I was evaluating the use of barium hydroxide on the factory to solve a small technical problem I had and when I asked the purchasing dept to find me a sample from a local supplier I was immediately hit by a flurry of health & safety concerns seeing as the stuff is poisonous. I now have your number 2 pun as an answer for them if I cock my toes during the tests!

[sawdustus]

Some of the best yet. I have to send them to my kids who will love them while they groan.

george