Don't take your husband shopping with you! - Scroll Saw Woodworking & Crafts Message Board

jim_mex · 08-02-2009, 01:25 PM

This was passed on to me today and raised several smiles although I find it difficult to believe its true, unless the guy in question was me!!

HOW MEN AMUSE THEMSELVES IN TESCO'S SUPERMARKET

Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping. This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford :

Dear Mrs. Murray,
Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics..

Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the feminine products aisle.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

7 September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

8 October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.

10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.

11.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.

12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'

13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'

And; last, but not least (and my personal favourite!)

14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'

Dragon · 08-02-2009, 02:17 PM

loved your favorite Jim but also laughed at no. 11 cause I've seen someone do that.
Diane

yost69 · 08-02-2009, 02:41 PM

Well this certainly brings back some memories. Ahh the younger years.

Ben

dragyn · 08-02-2009, 05:54 PM

Jim, how'd you get a copy of that? They told me that if I signed the papers they wouldn't release that information on me!!! LOL

Chase · 08-02-2009, 08:14 PM

Be careful Jim. The anti-humor faction is still active. They'll get you. Trust me, I know from experience.

Chase

ncsealeveler · 08-02-2009, 08:27 PM

There's some great ideas.Tony

Mike Crosa · 08-02-2009, 08:40 PM

Jim you must be sight doing #8

will8989 · 08-02-2009, 10:23 PM

Very cute. Reminds me of something I did in my "younger foolish years." I was 17, moved to the big city of D.C. and worked for the FBI. Some of us had to go to classes in the old post office building. As we were leaving the FBI building, we pushed the elevator button for every floor we passed, about 7 or 8. As we got to the ground floor, the door opened and there stood the assistant to J. Edgar Hoover, waiting to get on the elevator. Of course, we couldn't get out of the elevator fast enough. Later that day there was some sort of meeting and he started it with "... I could have kept some of you from attending the classes, but since it took me an extraordinary amount of time to get to my office, it was too late to cancel them." Hmmm, wonder who he was talking about?

Betty

Woodbutcher68 · 08-03-2009, 12:19 AM

Thanks for the great ideas! Can't wait to try them out.

Gill · 08-03-2009, 12:33 AM

In my youth it was fashionable to wear plastic belts printed with your name. One day I walked into a gift shop in a seaside resort which had a huge stock of these belts and started browsing through them. After half an hour I was still there, and the manageress began to look askance at me. Eventually she wandered over and asked if I needed any help. I told her I was looking for a belt with my name, but I could not find one. She was very helpful and went into the stockroom to check that all the belts were out on display. We then spent the next twenty minutes going through them all, with her asking me, "Is this your name? Is it this one? Oh, that's a name you don't see too often.. is that the one? What about this one?"

Finally she crumbled and asked, "Come on then - what is your name?"

Her face was a picture when I answered, "Rumpelstiltskin"!

08-02-2009, 01:25 PM	#1
jim_mex 'Senior' member - no way! Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Pachuca, Mexico Posts: 2,361	Don't take your husband shopping with you! This was passed on to me today and raised several smiles although I find it difficult to believe its true, unless the guy in question was me!! HOW MEN AMUSE THEMSELVES IN TESCO'S SUPERMARKET Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping. This letter was actually sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford : Dear Mrs. Murray, Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.. Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5 minute intervals. 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the feminine products aisle. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened. 5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove. 7 September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' 8 October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it. 9. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were. 10. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme. 11.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels. 12. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled 'PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!' 13. November 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.' And; last, but not least (and my personal favourite!) 14. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.' __________________ Jim in Mexico “Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.” -Albert Einstein

08-02-2009, 02:17 PM	#2
Dragon scroller and moderator Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Chertsey, Quebec, Canada Posts: 2,529	loved your favorite Jim but also laughed at no. 11 cause I've seen someone do that. Diane __________________ Dragon Owner of a Dewalt 788 PuffityDragon on AFSP

08-02-2009, 02:41 PM	#3
yost69 Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Berkeley Springs, WV Posts: 170	Well this certainly brings back some memories. Ahh the younger years. Ben __________________ Alcohol is not the answer. It just makes you forget the question. http://www.huhdowhat.com

08-02-2009, 05:54 PM	#4
dragyn Local Goofball! Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 2,007	Jim, how'd you get a copy of that? They told me that if I signed the papers they wouldn't release that information on me!!! LOL __________________ Dragyn (Oh my! Another Mike! ) It's a good thing my head is attached to my ... ... Has anyone seen my head?!?

08-02-2009, 08:14 PM	#5
Chase Seasoned WV Veteran Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Virginia, Born/Raised WV Posts: 723	Be careful Jim. The anti-humor faction is still active. They'll get you. Trust me, I know from experience. Chase __________________ Chase---Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult. Visit my album @ http://home.comcast.net/~chasesmeeks...-by-Chase.html and click on the album link.

08-02-2009, 08:27 PM	#6
ncsealeveler Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Sea Level NC Posts: 409	There's some great ideas.Tony

08-02-2009, 08:40 PM	#7
Mike Crosa Land Locked Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Ocala, FL Posts: 1,717	Jim you must be sight doing #8 __________________ Mike C. Hawk G4

08-02-2009, 10:23 PM	#8
will8989 Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Glen Burnie, MD Posts: 1,253	Very cute. Reminds me of something I did in my "younger foolish years." I was 17, moved to the big city of D.C. and worked for the FBI. Some of us had to go to classes in the old post office building. As we were leaving the FBI building, we pushed the elevator button for every floor we passed, about 7 or 8. As we got to the ground floor, the door opened and there stood the assistant to J. Edgar Hoover, waiting to get on the elevator. Of course, we couldn't get out of the elevator fast enough. Later that day there was some sort of meeting and he started it with "... I could have kept some of you from attending the classes, but since it took me an extraordinary amount of time to get to my office, it was too late to cancel them." Hmmm, wonder who he was talking about? Betty __________________ A woodworker never has too many clamps!!

08-03-2009, 12:19 AM	#9
Woodbutcher68 Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Hammond, IN Posts: 869	Thanks for the great ideas! Can't wait to try them out. __________________ Fred There's a fine line between woodworking and insanity, I'm just not sure which side of the line I'm on!

08-03-2009, 12:33 AM	#10
Gill Fallen Angel Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 2,604	In my youth it was fashionable to wear plastic belts printed with your name. One day I walked into a gift shop in a seaside resort which had a huge stock of these belts and started browsing through them. After half an hour I was still there, and the manageress began to look askance at me. Eventually she wandered over and asked if I needed any help. I told her I was looking for a belt with my name, but I could not find one. She was very helpful and went into the stockroom to check that all the belts were out on display. We then spent the next twenty minutes going through them all, with her asking me, "Is this your name? Is it this one? Oh, that's a name you don't see too often.. is that the one? What about this one?" Finally she crumbled and asked, "Come on then - what is your name?" Her face was a picture when I answered, "Rumpelstiltskin"! __________________ There is no opinion, however absurd, which men will not readily embrace as soon as they can be brought to the conviction that it is readily adopted. (Schopenhauer, Die Kunst Recht zu Behalten)

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